||[Jan. 6th, 2008|11:48 am]
well...its a new year! I haven't written out my new years resolutions yet, which I would like to do so that next year I can look back on them and remember them. Most of them arent really resolutions, they are just things that I would like to get done this year. |
Spent new years in new york city with my best friend and it was amazing. Even when I was sick and sleeping the whole day, just being with her was awsome. i feel re-energized. I feel like I'm myself again and outgoing and just very centered. I really would like to keep that for the rest of the semester. That is one of my goals. To not stress out about school so much. I would just like to go to class, to work on homework, and then once I'm done with homework to just move on to my life and not let school take up every part of it. New years eve was awsome. spent it at a club with my best friend and a bunch of her friends and their friends and we just danced and did kareokee and drank and it was a good time. I met a guy who was kinda a jerk, but i'm trying to get over it. No real harm was done so its not really a big deal.
I've been traveling on every single mode of transportation ever made the last three days: plane, train, nyc subway, the l train in chicago, bus...it has been exhausting. and now i'm finally home back here in e.lansing which is...nice. I'm not back in my room yet, I have been crashing in people's houses/couches for the past week, and it will be so nice to be in my room and get my stuff out of these cramped suitcases and in the spots where they belong. I am really looking forward to seeing people here again, all of my friends. That's why I feel like this is my home. I feel like I have a network here with people that I don't have back in milwaukee anymore.
Random things have been coming into my head lately. I had a dream about a guy that I thought I had moved on from and didn't care about. It's so weird how dreams can stir up things in your subconsciousness that you don't even think about anymore and you think is out of your mind completely. It was a good dream too..which just makes me all kinds of confused.
On top of that, I have been thinking about arizona a lot too. And i think I want to move there when I get out of school. I don't know what I am going to do there or where I'm going to live or what money I'll have, I just know that out of all of this mix-up, that was when I was the most centered and happiest. Maybe its cause becky was there, maybe its just because everything fit into place so nicely... i don't really know. but there is just this part of me that longs for it and misses it so much.
i'm trying to fix my summer together now. I feel like i have to or i will be stuck with nothing. I think I am going to stay in east lansing for most of it...which I am really excited about because I think a lot of people will be staying here. But i'm thinking that I might want a car while I'm here because I hate not having that kind of transportation. I also got accepted to study abroad in brussels, which I am kind of excited about. but its expensive...i don't know if i can afford it all... and i'm not even sure If i 100% want to go. I am a little bit afraid of study abroad. Not really..."afraid" like i'll die kinda thing, but afraid that I will go somewhere, really love it and then be even more depressed to come back. Either that, or I will totally be loving my life in e.lansing and then i will have to leave it for a month and that will be really hard. If I'm not having a good time then shit, I will be all up for going to brussels, but I won't know until I get closer to the time and I have to decide now.
I really hope things fall together for me this semester. Last semester was just....horrible. terrible. Just really really bad. And i worked so hard, and i still couldn't pull my grades together. I just feel like I need more things to go right in my life, more things to fall in my favor. I really want to meet a guy who I can be with. I kinda want it to be the guy I had the dream about, but I don't know if that will happen...things are kind of complicated between us. Even if things in my life aren't going well...I want to be in such a place where I can be happy with what is going on and still be able to handle things and deal with bad things as they come up. It's not like i'm looking for the perfect life, I just want to be happy and centered so that I can take whatever is in my life with "equipoise". :)